A mighty wind blew night and day
It blew the Oak trees leaves away
Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark
Until the Oak was tired and stark.

But still the Oak tree held its ground
While other trees fell all around.
The weary wind gave up and spoke
“How can you still be standing Oak?”

The Oak tree said, “I know that you
Can break every branch of mine in two,
Carry every leaf away,
Shake my limbs until they sway.

But I have roots stretched in the Earth
Growing stronger since my birth.
You’ll never touch them, for you see
They are the deepest part of me.

Until today I wasn’t sure
Of just how much I could endure.
But now I’ve found, with thanks to you,
I’m stronger than I ever knew.”

Anonymous

The above poem was submitted through the Unwind Your Mind Facebook page by Pearl Gibson. It really is beautiful.

I hope you enjoyed it.

“And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it.

That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.”

― Stephen King, Different Seasons

Although Stephen King was talking about something else entirely, for me he could be describing perfectly the stigma that exists from having a mental illness.

The statistics tell us that one in four people will suffer from mental health problems at some stage of their life. However, despite the fact that mental health problems are relatively common, people experiencing them can often find themselves facing stigma and discrimination.

A recent study among service users conducted by St Patrick’s University Hospital showed that many people live with the distressing symptoms of mental ill-health for long periods without accessing mental health advice or treatment. This is due mainly to the stigma that surrounds mental health as well as lack of knowledge about mental health problems and sources of help.

Forty-one per cent of those surveyed had lived with their symptoms for at least one year before seeking help, while Forty-one per cent of people surveyed would not discuss their mental health problems with their employer.

It makes me sad that people feel the need to keep such a significant part of their lives a secret.

As Stephen King says, the most important things are the hardest to say, not because there is no one to tell but because there is a lack of an understanding ear.

-STIGMA-

So how do we address this stigma which is preventing so many people from seeking help from the mental health services? In my opinion, not only do we need to address the attitudes of society in general, but we need to overhaul the mental health service itself.

Although services are improving in many parts of the country, there is still a long way to go. A recent programme on RTE ‘Behind these walls,’ showed the harsh realities of being treated in a mental hospital in the past. For many people, little has changed.

Many people are still being treated in out-dated facilities, and this adds to society’s negative attitude towards those being treated for mental health problems.

Although various campaigns have attempted to address the stigma of mental health problems to me there is one fundamental flaw. Mental health is more than just mental illness or mental health problems so, we need to spend as much time emphasising how to stay well, as we focus on being sick.

-FUNDING-

This is exacerbated by the government’s failure to ring fence money for mental health services which is leading to an inadequate and underfunded service for the majority of people.

Ireland has the fifth highest youth suicide rate in Europe, with more people dying by suicide each year than on the road. Despite this only a fraction of the government’s budget is spent on suicide prevention.  In 2008, €45 million was spent on road safety and accident prevention measures. In the same period only one-tenth (€4.5 million) was spent on suicide prevention. It seems to me that the stigma of mental illness rises right to the top of society, to governmental level.

One reality of the lack of funding is that the mental health services are so busy dealing with people with crises, that they cannot always provide the essential services to help those people in recovery stay well.

-THE REALITY OF ACCESSING SERVICES-

In recent years there has been an effort to reduce the stigma of mental illness, and to encourage people to seek help. But what the powers-that-be neglect to mention is the actual reality of asking for help, which includes months of a waiting list to see a psychiatrist or counsellor.

Time is precious and every second that ticks away is another that the person has not received help. To be given a prescription and told to come back in a few months, is hardly ideal, but is the reality.

Instead of intervening early, things are left to build up, growing worse and worse until one day the person snaps. Everything at that moment in time is unbearable. It is then that they make the decision. It’s not that they want to die, they just need to escape from the horrible place that they’re in, it’s just too much.

Why is more not being done to prevent people from reaching this breaking point?

Take for example a friend of mine- He has suffered from depression for a while now, and recently made an appointment with his psychiatrist as he was going through a difficult time. He requested to be referred to his old counsellor to help support him through the rough patch and to prevent him from getting any worse. He thought he was being sensible and pro-active, taking care of things.

However, to his surprise he was told that he couldn’t be referred to the counsellor until things got worse, and was offered medication in the meantime.

I’m no health professional, but surely we should be helping people avoid relapsing and prolonging their wellness, instead of only offering them support when they reach rock bottom.

As a result my friend has been left disenchanted and confused by a mental health system that relies heavily on medication, with those who don’t want to take medication being left with very little options.

The HSE has been criticised for not implementing the ‘Vision for Change’ plan, which was introduced in 2006. It is now 2011, and it is definitely more vision than reality. Both the HSE and government have failed to act on its recommendations and Irish people are suffering as a result.

Every day that those recommendations are ignored another person dies. Enough is enough. The question is how many people have to experience difficulties or die from suicide before something is done to help them? This issue has to be addressed sooner rather than later before any more lives are lost.

-WHAT CAN YOU DO?-

I ask you now to take a few seconds and re-read the opening quotation from Stephen King. Imagine what its like to have such a burden on your shoulders.

We all need to take collective responsibility to tackling mental health stigma and can start by taking time to talk about mental health with the people around us.  Often the fact that it’s difficult to talk about mental health problems can be one of the hardest parts of having mental problems.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. Take some time to open up and start your conversation today.

Here is a link to an interview I did with 02 Ideasroom back in November about my work and inspiration in life.

Marie Duffy- Young Leader 

Last year I also spoke at the Possibilities 2011 conference alongside some amazing people including his holiness the Dalai Lama, Former Irish President Mary Robinson, and Derry man Richard Moore..

You can watch the youtube video here

It's how you see yourself that is important

I came across this picture online and just fell in love with it. It put a huge smile on my face and I couldn’t stop smiling for the whole day.

It got me thinking about the way I see myself, and the impact it can have on my mood. Like many others I am my own worst enemy when it comes to being critical of myself. I would never be as hard on someone else, and I often wonder why I am so hard on myself.

Seeing this picture made me realise that I really need to look beyond all of that self-criticism and just live in the moment. Life is so much easier when you stop criticising yourself and beating yourself up for things that you have no control over.

I’ve decided that I will print out the picture and put it at my desk at work, and everyone time I feel like being over self-critical I will look at it and remind myself of what is important in life.

So if you do one thing this week, have a think about how self-critical you are and imagine what your life would be without that little voice telling you that you are worthless and a loser. If that is too much at first- at least give yourself credit for when you do things right.

We all love a little bit of praise, but sometimes the praise with the biggest impact must come from within.

It takes a while to get into the video- but keep watching the video as I promise it gets good!

Let me know what you think

 By Anon

About seven months ago I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Although this came as a shock, I had known that something had not been right for a while. I had suffered from deep dark depressions  for years which were followed by periods where I was unable to sleep for days. Although the diagnosis was scary, it did come as some sort of relief. Finally I had a name for what was wrong with me.

But I doubted the diagnosis, how could I, a normal 26-year-old who experienced a few highs and lows be diagnosed with something ‘crazy’ people had. I thought of all the celebrities  who had been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, Britney Spears and Kerry Katona were two names that came to mind. But how could my Doctor compare me with two celebrities who had clearly gone off the rails?

Since then I’ve been unable to come to terms with the diagnosis. Until yesterday I hadn’t spoken to anyone about it, mainly because the diagnosis scared me, but also because I didn’t want anyone to think differently of me.

But yesterday I was in a conversation with someone when for some reason I dropped my bombshell. We were talking about life and the obstacles that it throws at us, and suddenly before I knew it I mentioned that I had been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I couldn’t believe that I had divulged such a private detail about myself. Especially something that I was so ashamed about.

But I guess it happened for a reason.

As it turns out my ‘secret’ wasn’t such a bombshell after all. In fact the person I was with was completely understanding, and had experienced their own highs and lows.

I guess the moral of the story is that I was so busy keeping my secret that it was in fact eating me up. Sure, I don’t have to tell everyone that I have Bipolar disorder- as it’s none of their business. But that doesn’t mean that I have to let it burn a hole inside of me either.

I’ve realised that it doesn’t matter if I have ups or downs, that is not what  defines me. What matters is that I pick myself up after each fall.

That in itself is liberating.

Take some time to have a read and let me know what you think.

MARIE DUFFY

MIND MOVES: ONCE UPON a time there was the mid-life crisis. But in today’s fast-paced world, where things happen more quickly than before, we have the quarter-life crisis.

I remember laughing when I first heard the phrase. I thought it was simply another term made up by a group of spoilt young people who believed that mummy and daddy should hand everything to them on a plate. The all-about-me generation.

But then I hit the age of 26 and suddenly it all made sense. People always talk about the difficulty of the teenage years. But no one ever tells you what a pain in the ass your 20s are. It was tough being a teenager, but in my experience it’s even harder trying to navigate life as someone in their mid-20s.

So you’re probably wondering what this quarter-life crisis is about. It’s essentially a period of anxiety, uncertainty and inner turmoil that often accompanies the transition to adulthood.

The quarter-life crisis is unique for 20-somethings today – it’s taking much longer for us to become adult if we look at traditional markers such as financial independence and starting a family.

Our 20s are supposed to be a time of opportunity and adventure, before grown-up things such as mortgages, marriage and mayhem have come along. But instead, reality involves struggling to cope with stress around jobs, unemployment, huge college debt and relationships. Like many other students, I took out college loans in good faith and am left struggling to pay off thousands of euro of debt without the security of full-time employment.

As a teenager I believed the world was my oyster. But by the time I reached 25, reality set in and I realised that life was tougher than people had made it out to be.

Life isn’t a Hollywood movie, and I wasn’t going to snap my fingers and have the perfect job, house and man magically appear. Unfortunately, life is not an episode of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch .

I haven’t been brought up to be a spoilt little princess who gets everything she wants. My parents raised me with good values and a good work ethic, but I’ve also learned that this doesn’t always yield results.

This false sense of entitlement has been accelerated due to people my age having grown up with relative wealth during the boom.

This all came crashing down the instant it became our turn to enter the world of work.

So imagine my relief when last month a study proved that the quarter-life crisis exists. It wasn’t just me who felt like I had no direction in life.

Researchers in Greenwich University interviewed people between 25 and 35 about their experience of crises in early adulthood. They found that the crises usually lasted about two years and often left people questioning who they were and where they were going in life.

This research is supported by a Gumtree.com survey which found 86 per cent of the 1,100 young people questioned admitted feeling under pressure to succeed in their relationships, finances and jobs before hitting 30.

Like many of the young adults in the survey, I too have had all these questions running through my head, stirring everything up. “Who am I?” and “Where am I going with my life? ”

I’ve had this noise in my head for quite a while, but since I turned 26 it has reached a whole new level. I’m no longer in my early 20s, and since passing that threshold, I feel like I should know where I’m going with my life.

The pressure to have it all figured out is overwhelming. I want it NOW. I feel like Robert Frost in the poem, The Road Not Taken . The poem is a metaphor for life, and it scares me that, no matter which path I choose, I’ll never know if it was the right one. Or what the consequences would have been, had I chosen the other.

Every day we’re faced with the decision on what path to take. Do we take the one everyone else takes, or do we create our own path?

Will I ever really know which road to take? Or maybe life isn’t about the destination, but more about the journey.

I’ll come back to you in 2015 – surely I’ll be closer to figuring it all out then . . .

---

Marie Duffy is a youth adviser to Headstrong – The National Centre for Youth Mental Health (headstrong.ie). Tony Bates is on leave

Depression is such a lonely illness and it takes a lot of courage for people to reach out to others. But I love hearing of stories when someone does reach out and gets a positive reaction.

Crystal Nunn was going through a deep depression when she found the courage to send Stephen Fry a letter. Fry’s history with manic depression is well documented, but never in a million years did Crystal think that Fry would reply to her letter.

The letter which I’ve transcribed below has a wonderful message and it well worth a read.

Related articles

• Bipolar awareness week (unwindyourmind.wordpress.com)